Name: Suckrifice Candle – Because Adulting Sucks
Brand: The Crowned Syndicate

Funny Gift | Sarcastic Home Decor | Long-Burning Coconut Wax | Hand-Poured in the USA

Filing taxes? Attending mandatory Zoom meetings? Listening to that coworker again?
Congratulations—you’re making your daily suckrifice. Light the Suckrifice Candle and honor every thankless task with the ceremony it deserves: fire, sass, and eco-friendly snark.

Why You’ll Love It:

Eco-Conscious Sass:
Hand-poured from vegan, non-toxic coconut apricot wax, because selling your soul shouldn’t include harming the planet.
Extended Suffering (and Scent):
Up to 50 hours of burn time. Longer than your will to attend that 8 a.m. meeting.
Mood-Matching Scents:
Choose from 9 aromas—because if you have to be an adult, you might as well smell incredible doing it.
Chic AF Decor:
Housed in amber or crystal-clear glass vessels, topped with a gold lid so fabulous it almost makes adulting worth it. Almost.

Pick Your Suckrifice Scent:

(All natural color. No fake additives—unlike your boss’s enthusiasm.)

Fraser Fir: Fresh, sharp, and ready to stab through the monotony.
Cinnamon Chai: Cozy comfort for cold, dead inside workdays.
Cashmere Musk: Sophisticated enough to survive mandatory networking events.
Beachwood: Clean, breezy, and pretending it’s Friday.
Mango Coconut: Sweet vacation vibes—minus the PTO approval.
Vanilla Bean: Warm and sugary...like a fake “Thanks for your hard work!” email.
Lavender: Calm down before you burn it all down.
Blackberry Vanilla: Fruity, rich, and plotting your exit plan.
Unscented: Because sometimes, even a scent is too much effort.

Candle Care Instructions:

Trim wick to ¼ inch before each burn for a clean, even flame.
Burn until the wax fully melts across the top before extinguishing (no half-assed efforts here).
Burn no longer than 3 hours at a time—because exhaustion is real.
Always burn on a heat-resistant surface, far from spreadsheets and unpaid overtime.
Never leave unattended. Snuff it out with all the quiet resentment you carry.

PLEASE NOTE:

The Crowned Syndicate candles are print-on-demand, meaning each candle is made just for your suffering soul. Returns and exchanges are NOT supported for scent changes, last-minute regrets, or general Monday rage. If your candle arrives damaged or defective, snap a photo and contact us—we’ll handle it faster than you can say “I quit.”